Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Beijing, Boris Johnson, Closing Ceremony, Jimmy Page, Led Zeppelin, Leona Lewis, Olympics
I once had a nightmare like this, but it wasn’t nearly as scary. The London sequence of the Olympic closing ceremony tonight has to be one of the best examples of suckitude I’ve ever seen. It was just atrocious. From the horrible, high school musical dancers to the completely and utterly underwhelming “spectacle” of the lone double-decker against the massive backdrop of the Bird’s Nest, it was probably one of the most ill-planned things ever seen by that many people.
And what’s this, is that Leona Lewis and Jimmy Page being expectorated from the Transformer bus? Oh mighty Astroturfatron, please don’t harm us with your shooting Leonas, their mucous-y gowns trailing behind them to snare those who somehow managed to escape the human fences made by the Chinese organizers. These were of course necessary when Gollum…ahem, Jimmy Page appeared. Somehow I don’t think many in that clusteryou-know-what of people on the stadium floor even knew that Jimmy Page was nearby, so miniscule was the pair’s stage presence inside that arena after the sheer magic and wonder shown us by the Chinese.
That they then proceeded to perform one of the most blatantly filthy songs (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) in the history of rock and roll in front of a family-packed and extremely conservative, mostly Chinese audience, just blew one’s mind. Way down inside? Gonna give you every inch of my love? Oh yes, let’s sing THAT song to close the Olympics!
I felt like I was on PCP. And honestly, I should have known I was in for something JPW (Just Plain Wrong) when Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, rolled out looking like they call him “The Mayor” because he’s that local drunk known at every pub in London for offering his sloppy opinions on the good ole days of Iron Maggie to anyone who will listen. Look Boris, maybe that was a little harsh and I’m sure you’re a very nice man but tuck in your shirt and button your damn jacket, you’re the Mayor of London and it’s the freaking OLYMPICS.
Thankfully the Chinese booted the British right good and got back to their beautiful program of extinguishing the Olympic torch. They certainly do know how to put on a show. As for me, lets just say I won’t be listening to any Led Zeppelin for a while.
–By Jessica
